Saturday, 22 November 2014

58\\ homesick.

dress: Bangkok

Second month. Well, I totally lied about how awesome uni life is. It's not that awesome, and I don't really like it here. I don't know, is it just me? I really think Malaysia is a much nicer country to live in, and maybe mostly caused by the Cina-ness in me. I am not so into all this western stuff. Okay, I'll take back my words. It's too early to tell huh. I might like it here, I can, I will.

I love travelling a lot, for me it's that one chance for one to discover new places, take nice photos and meet new people. But at the same time I'm a home person, I can't stay away from home for too long. A week or two is good. 10 months, feeling unbearable already. I've always say that I wanna meet new people and I'm excited about it, but the fact is that I'm an introvert. I can't do the first move and too much of talking with strangers. It's really awkward to be alone with me, I bet my new friends have experienced the awkward moments already. But trust me, I didn't mean to make things that awkward, I just... I just can't think of any subject to talk about. I'm not sure whether you like watching running man, I don't talk bands and brands, I can't tell you too much about myself, I'm afraid I might bore you. Just if you know me well enough, you know I'm really bad at giving responses during conversations, and my friends get that a lot. Especially Shan, lol (and yes, haha and lol is the most I can reply. not that i'm not interested, i'm just really bad at socializing.) Sorry for taking so much shits reply from me.

I'm a social awkward.


This has probably become my new motto of life. I know I really needed a change. The way I learn things, and socialize. I probably should get out of my room more often comfort zone.

Things changed so quickly just in a month. I was still feeling alright the first month, thinking things will only be better, and then my life just crumble down without me even noticing. I never know this would affect me so much, and now all I wanna do is just sleep my head off without feeling anything, but I can't. I've been suffering insomnia since then. Falling asleep with tears, waking up with heartache, the cycle never ends. I hate this weather, and most of all the day-light saving shit. It's so gloomy everyday, I don't remember when was the last time waking up with sunlight. It is so hard to deal with this without the closest family and friends around, all I wanna do now is just to go home. I wanna have my mom to pats my head, my elder brother to hug me, my younger brother to accompany me to sleep, my cousins to talk to me. I guess I might feel better if I'm at home. I guess it will be not as hard for me to go through this stage. I miss home even more. :(
i want to feel better and stop feeling this way. :x